Sunday, May 29, 2005

[World Soccer Club] Digest Number 1501

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There is 1 message in this issue.

Topics in this digest:

1. Dale leaves Real Andorra!!!! - Football 24/7 exclusive!
From: "THE FUGITIVE!" <the_13th_redneck@yahoo.com>

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Message: 1
Date: Sun, 29 May 2005 03:33:03 -0000
From: "THE FUGITIVE!" <the_13th_redneck@yahoo.com>
Subject: Dale leaves Real Andorra!!!! - Football 24/7 exclusive!

25th May 2005

Birmingham, UK.
Aston Villa have furthered their re-enforcements for the coming season
after former Real Andorra player Dale Gwak signed a two year contract
this morning becoming Aston Villa's third transfer this season with
rumours that the next target, Craig Bellamy will shortly be joining.
"It was an offer I could not refuse," said the Andorran born South
Korean midfielder. "I have always wanted to play at the highest level
but I never imagined I would have a shot at Aston Villa this soon."
When asked about this signing, David O'Leary said, "He's got great
passing ability and a wicked cross. He's got to be patient though,
he's still only a baby."
Real Andorra fans and staff were disappointed in having failed to hang
on to their creative midfielder and were further disappointed when
Aston Villa refused to allow any option of loaning him back to his old
side.
This may sound like a rather standard report but you have no idea how
much stuff I got into to try to get in on the action. My car broke
down on the way to Birmingham and had to attempt to hitch hike. There
was no other way. I thought I found my salvation when I heard this
engine noise. When the dust settled, it was a Harley. I froze and
before I could say "big rubber dildo," a hand grabbed me and tied me
to the back. Luckily for me, he was going to Birmingham, though he
clearly had a Cockney accent. Batty London Biker... I should have
known. I surrendered myself to him for the next four hours as he
furiously shafted my arse with his massive penis.
I had to crawl for five miles before I reached Villa Park. I saved my
consciousness for the whole press conference before I passed out. I
woke up in hospital ten minutes ago with the sorest arse and elbows
you could possibly have. But anything to get the job done. But after
five years of getting pummelled, arse raped, kicked, punched, thrown
up on, whipped, stripped and humiliated in every way possible, it is
time for me to apply for a transfer to a more peaceful part of the
world. If my boss lets me.
- Media Reporter Guy (Football 24-7)

Letter from the Editor

Hello all fans of Football 24-7. I am pleased to announce to you that
Media Reporter Guy's request for a transfer to Japan has been denied
and that he will continue to follow Real Andorra through thick and
thin. After he recovers from his anal wound, he will be heading
straight for the Bracknell Benches.
Oh, and you are certainly very welcome.
- Editor (Football 24-7)

Meanwhile back in Birmingham later that evening...
The boxes were out and the number 17 packed his things from his bunk.
After five years at Real Andorra, the time had come to move on.
Everyone was at the Benches... except Sevillano who was getting
whipped by his dominatrix wife at home.
The ceiling fans rotated lazily, the white paint on the wall had
started to flake at some places but the furnature was clean from last
week's furnature maintenance. One lightbulb chose this moment to die.
"We're going to miss you, man," said Mangy first, breaking the five
minute long silence that filled the room.
"It's been fun. I'll never forget you guys," replied Dale without
looking. "But believe me, you'd do the same thing."
"No way mate! Not for that shite team!" exclaimed Nick. "5-1. Are
you sure you're not joining West Ham in disguise?"
Dave's head dropped remembering that match. "We are West Ham, we are
West Ham. We are West Ham in disguise..."
Kaan walked into the room. "It's too bad we didn't recieve anything
from Galatasaray. They were really interested."
Dave chuckled. He ripped up the offer letter last week. Dale tried
to pack the inflatable doll.
"OI! Those are mine!" shouted Dave.
"Once he's a Villa player, he might not have so much trouble getting
laid," observed Mangy.
In the next two minutes, Dale packed everything. "See you guys
later," he said before walking out into the darkness with a trolley
full of boxes.
"Well, at least the average IQ has gone up," said the manager's
assistant, Mangy.
"I can't believe he left on a free though," said Dave. "We could have
used any money." Dave pulled a Sprite out of the vending machine and
pulled on the tab.
"Galatasaray told me they were going to offer a million Euros plus
five hundred thousand more after fifty appearances!" Kaan said.
PFFFFTTT!!!!! And two neat streams of Sprite flew out of Dave's nose
and landed square on Salinas' face.
Salinas couldn't take it anymore. He slammed his fist into a metal
locker denting the thin door. "Damn this Dale! Has he no sense of
loyalty?! If there is God, he will be punished!"
Andrea looked at the ceiling, mumbled a few incoherent sounds while
making exotic hand movements. Then she started humming "What a
Wonderful World."
"What the hell is that about?" asked a furious Julio Salinas. "We
lost him for nothing! Zero money! Chairman Gutierrez is in hospital
after another heart failure!"
Andrea then slowly turned the grieving Julio Salinas, her eyes open
quite lazily, her jaws relaxed and her black hair completely
perpendicular to the floor, and said, "I just 'volunteered' him for
the RoK Marine Corps."
Meanwhile Dale just jumped on the cab to the train station excited
about the prospect of pulling on the Claret and Blue kit.
The next morning, with a single phone call, his whole world would turn
upside down.

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